Book Review: “Scars And Stripes” by Tim Kennedy & Nick Palmisciano

Scars and Stripes: An Unapologetically American Story of Fighting The Taliban, UFC Warriors, and Myself

By Tim Kennedy and Nick Palmisciano

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this book should come with a WARNING label. Why? Because when you read it, it’s going to affect you in two profoundly different ways. First, it’s going to make you feel like a giant worthless turd. I know, this isn’t a good thing, but stay with me (and I apologize for making you read the word “turd”). The author(s) of this book have done so much cool and extreme stuff, that you, the reader, are going to find yourself really second-guessing a lot of your life decisions. This is especially so if you’re listening to the audiobook while you sit in your vanilla cubicle and sadly watch the geese meander across the office complex parking lot to crap in front of your car door. (They do this because they don’t respect you.) If you’re the right type of person, you’re going to get mad. Mad at yourself for underachieving. Mad for every time you’ve slept in, skipped a workout, or just taken the easy way out. (Still isn’t good, I know) The second thing this book will do is negate those first feelings of inadequacy by filling your motivational tanks to the brim (there we go, that’s better). After reading Scars and Stripes, you too will be inspired to go out and do great things, though I’d highly recommend against jumping into a UFC cage fight or catching a plane to Taliban-controlled Afghanistan without proper training first. 

So what’s this book about? This book is about Tim Kennedy. Don’t know Tim Kennedy? Well, come out from beneath that rock you’ve been under. Tim Kennedy might be comparable to a modern-day Kit Carson. The dude has been everywhere and done everything. He’s been an EMT, a firefighter, a policeman, a U.S. Army Special Forces operator, and a mixed martial arts warrior. He’s a veteran of the wars in both Iraq and Afghanistan, has been on numerous TV shows and at least one zombie movie, he’s hunted Nazis around the world, relentlessly pursued human traffickers, and even participated in a civilian-led initiative to extract Americans and other allies from Afghanistan during the country’s tragic 2021 collapse. He talks about all of it in this wild book. Through it all, Tim attributes his accomplishments to just being “too dumb to quit.,” as he replied to me in a recent Tweet. I appreciate this humble approach because I too am incredibly humble (read in Drax voice), but I think we all know there’s a little more to it than that. You don’t get to be one of America’s elite warriors if you’re a big dummy and you sure don’t get asked to hunt Nazis and human traffickers either. Don’t get me wrong, Tim’s definitely taken his fair share of traumatic blows to the head. As a UFC fighter, that’s just part of the deal, but one can’t help but assume there’s some kind of “Homer Simpson Syndrome” going on there (man, I hope at least some people get that reference) because Tim seems to have come out of it no worse for wear.  

One of the pieces I most appreciated about this book was Tim’s open discussion of his failures. Tim doesn’t shy away from them and, in most cases, he’s brutally honest about the mistakes he’s made along the way. But like all successful people, Tim seems to realize that these mistakes and failures have played just as big a role in shaping him, as any of his successes. There are two types of people in the world, those who dwell on their mistakes and let them cripple them, and those who learn from their mistakes, bare down, and drive on. 

Plain and simple, this book is about not giving up. About being relentless. We live in a world that constantly tempts us into a state of willful sedation. It’s too easy to give in to that next batch of streaming TV shows or to spend hours scrolling aimlessly through social media feeds, negatively training our brains with microdoses of dopamine, like dogs responding to treats. If we want to be anybody or anything worth remembering, we need to break free from those time eaters, that wasted existence. We need to go out and push ourselves to the point of discomfort and, once there, push past it, instead of retreating back. The one thing you won’t read in Scars and Stripes is about Tim spending days and weeks nursing his wounds or feeling sorry for himself or binge-watching the new season of Sex In The City or some garbage like that. He’s always in motion, building momentum to the next big thing. In a world of lethargic slugs, be a Tim Kennedy. 

You can pick up a copy of Scars and Stripes right here.

Book Review: “Dodgebomb: Outside The Wire In the Second Iraq War” by Darin Pepple

The Iraq War is still a bit abstract to me, even though I spent many months training to deploy there. When I was coming up in the Army, still a wet-behind-the-ears Second Lieutenant, Iraq was all the rage. In the parlance of our times, Afghanistan was tired and Iraq was wired. Everybody who was anybody was going to Iraq. But not me. After months of training up in 2008, my Brigade’s deployment orders were switched from Iraq to Afghanistan and the rest is history. Now, years later, I still seek out novels and memoirs that will give me an accurate account of the Iraq experience to better understand my close friends who deployed there and the day-to-day of the young leaders on the ground. I recently had the privilege of readying Darin Pepple’s debut novel, Dodgebomb: Outside The Wire In The Second Iraq War, which is an excellent depiction of exactly these things from the perspective of a junior officer in the most excellent type of combat unit: the Cavalry.

Dodgebomb focuses on the deployment of 2nd Lieutenant Eddie Fitzgerald, a fresh-faced Cavalry Officer, who is deployed to Iraq to serve as a replacement Platoon Leader in a Troop operating from a remote Patrol Base in Iraq. After a long, tedious journey from the States to his new unit in Iraq, Fitzgerald first meets his Squadron Commander, a brash and egotistical, Lieutenant Colonel who is eager to show everyone just how smart he is about war. This seems to be the predominant trope for officers of that rank in GWOT literature and it’s satisfying every time. As Fitz gets closer to his ultimate destination, Patrol Base Murray, he meets an array of Soldiers who view him with annoyance and skepticism, at having to risk life, limb, and eyesight ferrying this new officer to his post, where he will, in their minds, probably be just another worthless “butter bar”. Even before they reach PB Murray, Fitz experiences his first of many tragedies in the war, as one of the convoy’s trucks strikes an IED, killing an American Soldier. This sudden trauma sets a tone of uncertainty for the rest of the book, which is perfect given how fast things can change in a warzone. The rest of Pepple’s Dodgebomb follows Fitz through the remainder of his Squadron’s deployment, where he earns the respect of his soldiers and peers, experiences victories in combat, endures no shortage of tragedies, continues to be plagued by the pompous pageantry of his superior officers, faces awkward interaction with weirdly over-eager local nationals, and endures his first-ever Squadron staff meeting, a hellish nightmare I know all too well.

What I enjoyed most about Dodgebomb was the way Pepple captured the subtle nuances of deployed life, especially for a first-time deployment. Pepple starts the novel with an excellent example of this as the reader accompanies Fitz on the last part of his long, awkward trip from the States to his assigned Troop, all the while only vaguely knowing where he’s supposed to go and how he’s supposed to act around other soldiers who’ve already been around the block a time or two. Fitz’s introductions to his Platoon Sergeant and other Platoon Leaders are perfect. As several very different personalities collide, you can almost feel the men measuring each other up and gauging each other’s level of competence and professionalism. These morph beautifully into ever-progressing relationships throughout the book. Fitz is thrown into action almost immediately upon arrival and he is again measured up by this Commander, fellow Platoon Leaders, and soldiers. For anyone who has ever arrived at a new military unit, you understand this behavior well. 

I highly recommend Dodgebomb to anyone looking to understand what life was like for veterans of Iraq or to any veterans looking for a trip down memory lane (which was recently cleared of IEDs). For me, it painted a much clearer picture of what day-to-day life was like there and I am continually surprised by how different the Iraq experience was from an Afghanistan deployment. It’s strange how two Army Officers of the same rank and similar dates of service, could have two dramatically different experiences in two very different wars, serving under the command of nearly identical personalities. This, in itself, highlights the importance of novels like Dodgebomb. I’m grateful to Pepple for writing this and to all veteran authors who share their stories, helping us to better understand each other as we figure out where to go from here.


You can pick up a copy of Dodgebomb: Outside The Wire In The Second Iraq War by Darin Pepple here!

Book Review: “Keeper Of The Dead” by Ryan Young

I don’t normally read in the horror genre, cause let’s face it, I’m a bit of a pansy when it comes to stuff like that. Ask my wife. She’ll tell you that I’m rarely willing to watch movies or shows that most people wouldn’t dub even moderately scary. I get nightmares, okay? Leave me alone. Anyway, I decided to make an exception for this book, Keeper Of The Dead, written by fellow indie author and friend, Ryan Young. 

Keeper Of The Dead is Young’s debut novel and boy is it a great one. Calling “Keeper Of The Dead” simply a zombie book or a horror book would be doing it a disservice because it’s much, much more. The novel follows two different timelines, the “then”, which chronicles the survival efforts of Viktor, the main character, at the start of a terrifying new pandemic (timely, right?) that transforms its victims into the ravenous undead (much the way social media does), and the “now” which follows Viktor several years later, as he sets out on a quest to track down a mysterious woman from a driver’s license he’s collects in his travels. The weaving of these two timelines is masterfully done and each section leaves the reader wanting for more as Viktor gets deeper and deeper into trouble.

In many ways, Keeper Of The Dead is more of a survival book than anything, as Young goes into great detail describing the various ways in which Viktor has adapted to survive in his new harsh environment, not only physically but mentally as well. Not to give away any spoilers, but it makes me wonder if Mr. Young spent a fair amount of time living in self-constructed treehouses to research for the book. I wouldn’t blame him, cause that sounds awesome. Hopefully, though, he doesn’t have a collection of dead people’s driver’s licenses hidden in his basement somewhere. 

What struck me most about this book was the way Young got into the head of Viktor and how precisely he paints the picture of this man who has survived unspeakable horrors, his mental state, and the habits and hobbies he’s developed to keep himself pushing forward, taking one day at a time. If you’re like me, you’ll find yourself reflecting on how you’d survive in similar situations and if you’re really like me you’ll come to the conclusion that you’d be zombie lunch before the end of the first act.

The book is a heck of a lot of fun, in a terrifying way. If you’re looking for a great read, that will keep you on the edge of your seat or you just want to study up on how best to survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse, I’d highly recommend Keeper Of The Dead. The nightmares are worth it. 

Sidenote: Deer hunters beware when reading this book. I won’t say anything more than that, but when you read it, you’ll know.

You can find Ryan Young’s Keeper Of The Dead here on Amazon or ask for it at any of your local bookstores. 

Book Review: “Endure: How To Work Hard, Outlast, and Keep Hammering” by Cameron Hanes

Ever read the right book at the right time and the message strikes home just that much harder? That’s what Cameron Hanes’s book Endure: How To Work Hard, Outlast, and Keep Hammering did for me. For a while now, I’ve been deep in the querying trenches, trying to find a literary agent for my new novel. Turns out the publishing world is a tough nut to crack and when your network of industry professionals is six dudes you’ve only met on Twitter, it can be hard to get an agent to even open your submission. It’s easy to get discouraged, to wallow in your imposter syndrome, shame-eat a couple dozen donuts, and start contemplating throwing in the towel or spiking your laptop in the driveway. This is where I was, right before I read Endure and Cameron Hanes gave me the metaphorical slap in the face I needed to get my head right and, as Cameron says, “keep hammering.”   

If you don’t know who Cameron Hanes is, let me fill you in. He’s a bad mama-jama from Oregon who’s made his name as one of the world’s foremost backcountry bowhunters and as one hell of an endurance athlete. What makes Cam unique (can I call him Cam?) is that he combines his two passions and uses his insane physical fitness to get him further into the backcountry than most bowhunters could ever dream, affording him opportunities to harvest game that most hunters will never even see. All of this has resulted in Cam smashing the curve on success rates in elk hunting and ruining it for the rest of the class. Thanks, Cam.

Throughout Endure, Cam drives home the fact that he’s just a regular guy. But regular guys don’t have 1.3 million Instagram followers, so what gives? Cam explains further that he’s just a regular guy who has built every inch of his success through perseverance and dedication to the activities he loves. He gives the reader a full-disclosure view of his average Joe (no offense, Rogan) upbringing, his angst-filled teenage years, and his humble beginning as a novice hunter and bowhunting writer. Cam doesn’t really talk about any big breaks. He just talks about how he kept going. How he kept his nose to the grindstone and carved out his place among the greats one arrow and one run at a time. 

Another aspect of this book that I enjoyed is that Cam doesn’t tell you what you have to do to be successful, he just tells you what worked for him. He doesn’t tell you that you need to wake up every day at 4:30 am and run a marathon. He doesn’t tell you that you have to hit the gym for four hours daily and then eat 5 pounds of protein powder, dry, between handfuls of organic, homegrown kale. He doesn’t tell you to eat the raw heart of a bull elk to harness its power. He just tells you to keep hammering. To zero in on your goals and never let up, whether it takes 5 years or 50. And then once you’ve reached those goals, set new ones and keep hammering. 

What sets this book apart from most in its genre is that Cam uses his platform to give credit where credit is due. He talks at length about the people in his life who have helped him and built him along the way, from his father to his family to his lifelong hunting partner Roy Roth. Cam rarely takes credit for his own success, which is a rare trait in itself. 

Endure resonated with me because, like Cam, I too am a bowhunter. Unlike Cam, I kinda suck at it. I’ve been shooting archery since I was 8 years old, but I’ve just recently started hunting and I haven’t seen a lot of success yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bad shot, there are just other factors in play: time available, location, my inability to sit completely still for more than three seconds, etc. Also like Cam, I’m a runner and though I’ve never completed an ultramarathon, I do have a few regular marathons under my belt, and I do get up every morning at 5 a.m. to workout so it doesn’t hit as hard when I shame-eat a couple dozen donuts. But here’s the great thing about Cam’s book Endure: you don’t have to be either of those things to enjoy it and benefit from it.
The only criticism I can offer of this book is that some parts are repetitious in their message, but I guess that’s not really even a criticism. Mantras are meant to be repetitious, right? And that’s what this book is at its heart, one long mantra to building a better you through the historically proven method of muscle-grinding, mud-eating, hard work. Read this book if you want to learn a little about bowhunting. Read this book if you want to learn a little about ultramarathoning. But mostly, read this book if you want a good jolt of motivation to get you moving or keep you going. Recharge your batteries with Endure. And keep hammering.

Here’s a link to where you can get a copy of Endure: How To Work Hard, Outlast, and Keep Hammering

Kilroy: The Man Behind The Wall

I know a lot of you are curious about the title to my upcoming book, Kilroy Was Here, but have been too shy to ask about it. We’ve all heard “there’s no such thing as a dumb question” and we all know that’s a bald-faced lie. There are sooooo many dumb questions. The world is filled with dumb questions. Now more than ever. But, this isn’t one of them. So who is this Kilroy? Is he (is it a he?) the protagonist of the book? Why was he here? Where is here? Where did he go? Where are any of us going? What is the meaning of life? Relax. I will answer most of these questions, if not all of them, in the following sections. (The answer to the last one, of course, is the number 42.)

To clarify, Kilroy is not a character in my novel. 

So who is Kilroy? 

Well, there is still much speculation about this, so it’s more important to understand the what, instead of the who. The phrase “Kilroy Was Here” has its origins during the height of World War II and is usually accompanied by a crude drawing of a bald head and large nose peeking over a wall. The image and phrase became a popular graffiti tag left on the battlefields of Europe, Asia, and Africa by American soldiers, thus proving that even then most soldiers were, as they still are, delinquent vandals at heart. Though Kilroy has many variations, he’s typically depicted like the image below:

Kilroy was here

Engraving of Kilroy on the WWII Memorial in Washington DC

 

So Where Did “Kilroy Was Here” Originate?

This is where the who comes in. The most prominent origin theory for “Kilroy Was Here” starts with a Rivet Inspector named James J. Kilroy in a shipyard in Quincy, Massachusetts. During World War II, the United States was manufacturing naval vessels for the war at an extraordinary rate and Rivet Inspectors like James J. Kilroy were paid by the number of rivets they inspected each day in these ships. To keep track of where he’d left off or to keep shifty coworkers from erasing or moving his marks, Kilroy began to leave the message “Kilroy Was Here” wherever he stopped for the day. Oftentimes, the ships were pushed into service so fast these marks were never erased or painted over and the message “Kilroy Was Here” could be seen in random—often obscure—places inside the ships. Many of these ships were troop transport carriers, delivering soldiers to battlefields in every theater of the war. The soldier’s, seeing the marks and the messages, began leaving Kilroy everywhere as they fought their way across war-torn continents. Kilroy quickly became a legend, as soldiers sought to outdo each other by finding increasingly difficult-to-reach places to leave him. Many soldiers marveled at how often Kilroy seemed to appear on the battlefield before anyone else. It was, essentially, the original viral social media post.  

Why The Heck Is Your Book About Afghanistan Named After WWII Graffiti?

Good question. Kilroy traveled with U.S. soldiers into the Korean War and even made a few appearances in Vietnam. Most recently he has popped his bald head up in Iraq and Afghanistan, though that’s not the reason for the title. My book has less to do with the war itself and more to do with the people who live it. The individual soldiers who slog out the day-to-day, no matter how ridiculous it might sometimes seem, and how each soldier, in some way, hopes to leave a mark on the war. Kilroy Was Here is a story of both hubris and humility as well as how our treatment of others can shape our world more than bombs and bullets ever could; though sometimes we can’t always see it in the moment.

Fun Fact #1: There is rumored to be a Kilroy sketched into the dust on the surface of the moon… from the astronauts… not from aliens or anything. 

Fun Fact #2: The character “Wilson” on the hit 90’s TV show, “Home Improvement”, was originally to be called “Kilroy” as his hands and the top half of his face were all that were ever seen over the fence. ***THIS HAS BEEN FLAGGED AS FAKE NEWS*** 

For more popular theories about the origin of “Kilroy Was Here”, check out www.kilroywashere.org 

Kilroy Is Coming!

Kilroy is coming! As many of you may know, my first novel, Kilroy Was Here, will be published soon. The novel is satire and obviously fictional, but based loosely on some of the insane happenings of my 2009 deployment in eastern Afghanistan. This is not your typical hero journey or shoot ‘em up war story, though there are a few negligent firearm discharges and a particularly harrowing Peeps eating contest. Below is a brief synopsis of the book to give you an idea of what Kilroy Was Here is all about:

“U.S. Army Officer, Lieutenant Jared Rye is a battle-hardened warrior. Or at least he thinks he’d like to be. On Christmas Day, 2008, he arrives at the war with high hopes of battlefield glory and a lasting legacy, only to be relegated to a Squadron desk job. With the help of his Squadron’s “accidental Chaplain”, a local interpreter bent on leaving for America, a perpetually drunk Russian contract pilot, and his fellow staff officers, Rye navigates a yearlong deployment on a rural outpost in Afghanistan. As he seeks to find meaning in the war, Rye faces oddities and mishaps ranging from an inter-Army mafia of lower enlisted soldiers to a crippled, local boy with a penchant for pornographic doodles, a two-faced local militant, and an autocratic Squadron Commander paralyzed by paranoia. Rye’s unlikely friendship with his interpreter becomes the bedrock of his sanity, as he grapples with the reality of America’s “Forever War” and his perceived lackluster war experience. But when a series of roadside bombs cripples a resupply convoy, the soldiers of Titan Squadron look to the highest ranking officer remaining and Rye must put his training to the test to lead an assault against an enemy of unknown strength.”

Details on the book’s release date will be coming soon. To get regular updates, click “Follow” at the right of this page.

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @hogwashwriting

 

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The History Of The Donut

The History Of The Donut

In honor of tomorrow being National Donut Day, I have written a short history of the donut. This is not the full history of the donut, obviously, but a few key moments in history that are worth noting:donut

1057 B.C. – A Greek naval commander named Dorotheos of Naxo set sail in search of a mythical island of great wealth. Half way through their journey, the crew of Dorotheos’s boat was lured into wreckage off the coast of a small island, by the incredible smell of baked goods. When Dorotheos and his remaining crew struggled ashore, they found the island inhabited by elderly women producing a previously unknown type of sweet roll. Dorotheos and his men immediately enslaved the women, as was the custom of the day. They repaired the ship and set sale for home with their newfound, culinary wealth. The island women fed the crew exclusively sweet rolls on their voyage, which eventually capsized the boat due to the excessive weight gain of the crew. The sweet rolls were dubbed “Donauts”, short for “Dorothothoes Nauts,” in memory of the lost crew (“Naut” being the Greek word for sailor).

1476: Following his death, the tyrannical ruler of Romania, Vlad The Impaler (or Vlad III Dracula) still lingered in the minds of its citizens.  Rumors and legends of his cruelty, and even supernatural abilities, haunted people for years to come. His thirst for blood lead to tales of vampirism. So much so that the citizens of Transylvania began placing pastries filled with blood red jelly on their window sills at night. Their hope being that by sucking out the jelly, the fearsome Dracula would satisfy his thirst and pass over their house. In 1897, Bram Stoker galvanized the legend of Vlad with the title role in his vampire novel “Dracula”, though the jelly filled donuts were largely left out of the story.

Early 1800’s: Dutch settlers in New York City (or New Amsterdam) brought with them their delicious sweet pastries that were deep fried in animal fat. At the time, these treats were known as “oily cakes”, which sounds disgusting. The name changed over the years to “grease muffins” (which wasn’t better), then to “sugar bagels”, then to “doughnut”, and finally to the original Greek “donut”.

1865: Wounded Civil War veteran, Abe VanDough returned home to New York City with one leg and a dream to open a bakery. After commandeering a vacant storefront, VanDough began churning out oily cakes and grease muffins based on his own family’s secret recipes. Finding it difficult to draw in customers, and impeded by a missing leg, VanDough took out a small loan to purchase a horse. With a custom harness, VanDough mountained a wooden dowel to the horse’s forehead. With oily cakes speared on the dowel, VanDough would ride about the city selling his pastries to people on the street. VanDough is credited with giving the donut it’s hole and his horse became known as “The Unicorn of Time Square” and is the reason why unicorns are often associated with sprinkles and glitter. VanDough is also credited with having the world’s first “food truck”.

I hope you’ve learned something here about my favorite food. Please go out and support your local donut shop tomorrow. There are thousands of donuts in need of a good home. Be a hero.

***Additional Fact: The donuts known as “bear claws” were originally made with actual bear feet, coated in pastry dough, and deep fried (essentially a chicken-fried bear foot). This tradition was discontinued in the early 1940’s when rations were put on the bear feet supply due to their need for the war effort.

Seven Remedies For “Dad Bod”

The Google Dictionary defines “Dad Bod” as: a male physique that 

Dadbodis relatively slim but not lean or toned. I prefer to think of it as “the melting of one’s former self, coupled with stress collection points around the abdomen, waist, and ass.” I would also like to be gender inclusive in that “dad bod” is not just for dads, but I would never in a million years tell a woman she has “mom bod” for fear of violent death. Anyway, the descension into “parent bod” can be a source of depression for many new parents, so this week I’m offering a few tips to help fight back against this terrible disease:

  1. Let Food Go To Waste – Children at the dinner table can be the most unreasonable people on Earth. If your children are anything like mine, there is a violent revolution every time mac and cheese isn’t on the menu. Most nights the standoff ends with good food left on the children’s plate. Myself, being a child of a child of a child of the Great Depression and also an unapologetic glutton, can not stand to see good food go to waste. So, often times I eat it. Don’t look at me like that. You know you’ve done it. Judgements and self loathing aside, these are unneeded extra calories and a direct contributor to dad fat. Don’t be afraid to throw away food. Or buy a dog. Dogs are good garbage disposals.   
  2. Designated Cook – Pick the worst cook in the house to be the designated dinner cook. In my house, that’s me. I’d say at least two of the dinners I prep each week are sub par. And that’s being generous. This means that at least two nights of the week, I’m consuming less calories. Not a bad start. (Note: This can backfire. If the cooking is so horrible as to be inedible, frequent pizza deliveries can occur.)
  3. Turn Your Children Into Workout Equipment – Being a parent, it can be hard to find time to squeeze in a workout. In fact, it’s next to impossible to have a designated work out time unless its before or after the children go to bed. One solution to this problem is to work out with your children. Let me clarify, I don’t mean that your children are doing the exercises, too. I mean, use your children as workout equipment. By sewing canvas handles onto the backs of your children’s T-shirts, you can turn each child into a dumbbell, kettlebell, etc. By making the child hold various objects, you can change the weight of your “kidbell” as needed throughout the workout. Kids love to be lifted up and swung around, so everyone wins. (*Note: If you are using your “kidbell” as a kettlebell, please ensure the ceiling is high enough to provide overhead clearance. Otherwise your “kidbell” will get all whiny.)
  4. Work Workouts – For many of us, our jobs consist of stagnant days staring at a monitor and doing keyboard cardio. This daily eight hours of inactivity can wreak havoc on our bodies, especially since we tend to consume high levels of junk foods at our desks to fill the gaping holes in our soul. One good trick to break up the daily monotony is to set a recurring alarm on your watch or phone and at regular intervals, get down on the floor and do a few reps of some sort of exercise. Not only will this help to burn midday calories, but it will reinforce with your coworkers that you may, in fact, be mentally unhinged and you should not be trifled with. If your boss catches you mid workout, you may want to learn some variation of a gang-sign to flash.
  5. Be The Office Jerk – The office setting is notorious for being an ever flowing spring of processed sugars and trans fats. It is always someones birthday, anniversary, National Donut Day, National Cookie Day, National Deep Fried Double Stuffed Oreo Day, etc. So next time Dave from accounting puts a box of donuts in the break-room, you march right down there, grab that box of donuts, and chuck it in the trash.* Sure, Dave will probably cry. It’s his birthday and he can cry if he wants to. But then he will be thanking you for helping improve his overall quality of life. When your boss comes to talk to you about all the complaints he’s getting, just put him in a headlock with the biceps you’ve built from curling your “kidbells”.
  6. Get Fired – Once you’ve choked out your boss, you no longer need to worry about going to work. Your newfound wealth of free time should provide you with plenty of time to work out and your lack of income will prevent you from overeating. Or eating at all.
  7. Stop Drinking Beer – Just kidding. That’s a silly one.  

It should be noted that despite all of these tips, I still suffer from Dad Bod. These are not intended to be a magical cure, but a resource to keep Dad Bod in check. There is no cure for Dad Bod. It is terminal. The only thing you can do is make the most of the Bod you have left.

*Please never throw away donuts.

**Move your eyes to the right. Find the “Follow” button. Click.