The Return Of The Pig

Hello Readers,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I apologize. Hogwash Writing has been quiet for quite some time, but I’m changing that now. As some of you know, I’ve been devoting my limited free writing time to, first, finishing my first novel and, second, try to find agents and publishers who’d like to read said book. Now that the book is finished and I’m well into my search for readership, I’ve realized that the neglect of this site was foolish. More than foolish. An abhorrent sin in the world of writing. A sin which I will now aim to remedy.

Starting next week, I plan to post on a regular basis. I’ll admit the motivations is purely selfish. Buy cultivating a readership here, it will eventually help me to spread the word of my book. Did I mention I wrote a book? I’ve been told its a good book. It’s at least not inherently awful. It won’t make you gouge your eyes out anyway, if that’s what you’re wondering. So that’s a plus.

That being said, the content here might be slightly different then before. I’m hoping it might be more interest/informational than my old posts of twisted history and clearly fabricated quotes of long dead presidents (I’ve been told these weren’t applicable in daily life). What you’ll see going forward will be a mixed bag. One week might be parenting advice, one might be a book review, one might be instructions on how to build a robot from old cardboard boxes for your six year old. You won’t know until it hits your inbox. Whatever it ends up being, I hope it’s fun to read. If its not, tell me. Comment on the blog. Email me. Show up at my house with pitchforks and torches. Mug me as I go into work to get reimbursement for wasting your precious time. If it is entertaining, please share. Like Hogwash disciples, go forth and spread the word, so that the whole world may know ridiculousness. The goal of any blog is readership, but an author cannot survive on his own posts alone.

There. I’ve put this commitment in writing. A verbal contract to anyone who cares to read it. I look forward to entertaining, perplexing, and enraging you.

Thank you,


Day 19: The Partial19

Mood:  Relieved.  Today we made a trip up to Fremont where I had the opportunity to have Spanky’s breadsticks.  Anyone from Fremont knows what this means.  It means my Whole30 experiment is effectively over.  The breadsticks have set me free.

General Thoughts:  I’ll give a more detailed summary of my findings later.  Right now I have breadsticks to eat.

Day 18: Scrambled Dreams

Mood:  Fine.  I’m fine.  I may never eat scrambled eggs for breakfast again, but I’m fine.

General Thoughts:  My dreams are getting stranger.  Most of them are food-centric.  My subconscious is betraying me.  It’s only a matter of time until I crack.

Day 17: Donut Blood Revisited 

Mood:  Annoyed.  I’ll give it until Day 20 and if I haven’t seen Tiger Blood by then, I’m going back to Donut Blood.  

General Thoughts:  The social aspect of food makes this diet even harder.  It’s tough to turn down outings with friends because it’s centered around food you can’t have.  And I know what you’re thinking, “geez man, have a little self control”.  People, if I had self control around food, I wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with.

Day 16:  Who Needs An Alarm Clock When Your Mind Is A Jerk

Food:  Tandoori Chicken with Cauliflower Rice ( The chicken was amazing and the Tandoori sauce did a wonderful job of covering up the taste of cauliflower.  This was another healthy meal that I could eat on a regular basis.  

General Thoughts:  Still no Tiger Blood, though I’m finding that it’s getting easier to pull myself out of bed in the morning.  In fact, most mornings I’m now waking up about 10 minutes before my alarm even goes off (4:50am).  I’m not bragging…. this is an extremely annoying ritual by body has adopted.  Also, my dreams have been really weird for the last few days.  Maybe my Tiger Blood is nocturnal?

Day 15: Man Vs. Feline Mortal Combat

Mood:  Concerned.  Half way there and no sign of Tiger Blood yet.   Sure, my stomach is feeling better and I don’t feel as much like a blob anymore, but I’ve not seen the kick-in-the-pants of extra energy I was promised.  I’m worried that my Chex-mix mishap the other day may have done me in.  What if this is a “pass/fail” scenario with no gray area and because of my gluten-filled transgressions I have been barred from paradise?  Of course, there’s always the option of starting over.  BAHAHAHA!!!

General Thoughts:  My other worry is that I’ll complete this 30 days and feel no different.  Only to find out that the “Tiger Blood” is one of those hippie, existential, B.S. everyone-gets-a-trophy ideas and “the Tiger Bloods been in me the whole time” and all I had to do is believe.   Or worse, that the Tiger Blood is literal and the final test of The Whole30 is an epic man vs. feline battle to the death.  In retrospect, I probably should have read the whole book before starting this.

Day 14:  It’s Raining Tacos

Food: This diet is a lot of making foods you wouldn’t normally eat into foods you would.  Today we made plantains into tortilla shells ( and they were delicious.  Topped with pulled pork, cabbage slaw and a jalapeño sauce, they were some of the best tacos we’ve had.  

General Thoughts.  I could survive on an entirely taco based diet. No Tiger Blood yet.  Still hopeful.

Day 13: Chex Yo Self, Before You Rex Yo Self

Mood: Guilty.  I have a confession. Today, in a moment of weakness, and to my everlasting shame, I had a handful of Chex-mix.  Chex-mix is obviously not Whole30 compliant.  To be fair, it was my mother-in-law’s homemade Chex-mix, which, for all intents and purposes, is a borderline narcotic.  I will try to be stronger going forward.

General Thoughts:  That Chex-Mix was really freak’n good.  Don’t you dare judge me.

Day 12: Hot Sauce Revival

Mood:  I drove slowly past The Donut Conspiracy today.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s thinking about me too.  I find that the days I workout in the morning are the days I think about food the most.  Maybe I should just start sleeping in…

General Thoughts:  One of the biggest problems with this diet has been that a lot of the foods we’ve been preparing lack excitement (excitement=sugar).  Today I found this killer hot sauce that may turn thing around.  All natural ingredients and nothing I couldn’t pronounce.  If you can find it, I highly recommend it!